Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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