I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
