I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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