Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
