I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
