I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
