i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Someone stole a lamp last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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