Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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