The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
