i think my tv is drunk
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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