I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
