apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
