I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
