Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
