this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
