I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
