Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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