She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
