Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
