I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
