i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
