Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
one might say we're banned from that church
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
