You really coming over, don't trick.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
