toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
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I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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