I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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