Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
