I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
