How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
