First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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