I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
