We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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