I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
