I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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