I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
