I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
