So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
