Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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