Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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