wanna go halves on a baby?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
