i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
