no, he came in my armpit
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
