I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
