Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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