Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
