a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
