is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
