No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
