NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
