Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
