Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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