Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
