you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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