im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
