Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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