I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
