I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize