I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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