Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
