I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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