I could make wine with my vomit
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
