I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
