Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
