you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
