I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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