Pants 0. Shit 1.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
