i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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