i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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