He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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