i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's never too late to be topless.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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