I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
