All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
