I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
