Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
