Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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