His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
