i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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