Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.