My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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