ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
COCAINE IS GR8
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
