I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
