Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
