batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
