wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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