Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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