hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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