My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
